That strange feeling that nothing is the same anymore

That strange feeling that nothing is the same anymore

Sometimes that strange feeling comes: it seems to us that nothing is the same anymore. The gazes lose their brightness, the words their melody and, day after day, we are increasingly aware that we are left with only ash and that, sooner or later, a strong wind will arrive that will sweep everything away and change everything. Moments for which we must be ready.

It's not easy. During our life we ​​have tried this same flavor several times. Many say that it is all the fault of everyday life, which surrounds us with its chains to transform us into less spontaneous beings, less greedy for closeness, for hidden caresses and for small gestures that make the heart beat.

'Don't do with love what children do with football: when they have it they ignore it and when they lose it they cry' -Pablo Neruda

Maybe that's the dreaded routine, either maybe we change with time, we who allow day after day, and without knowing why, that our emotions are extinguished. Sometimes we are like candles that shine intensely during the night, a light that dances and inspires us with its shapes, but which is consumed with the passing of the hours, until it releases a strange sweet and unknown scent into the air, like a dream of the past which in the present no longer makes sense. Maybe…

Accepting that nothing is as before invites us to deep reflection. Perhaps it is not necessarily an end, but a moment in which dialogue is needed, and efforts on the part of both parties to renew the bond, the relationship. Acting with maturity and responsibility is the best way to give life to a new beginning, or an inevitable end.

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Nothing is the same and we are no longer who we were

When a person becomes fully aware of the fact that things no longer have the brilliance, intensity and magic of the past, the first sensation you get is a profound contradiction, bitterness and nostalgia. More than moments, we feel nostalgia for emotions of the past and the complicity that built everyday life, which was devoid of holes, because enthusiasm filled them all and gave meaning to life.

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When that emotional bond loses the strength and intimacy of the past, the couple lacks everything. It's a slow twilight that makes everything sad and desperate, because the brain needs to feel safe in the first place. He does not like contradictions and these doubts are instantly interpreted as a threat, a danger signal.

When we enter that phase of alarm, the first thing we do is look for a reason. Although most people focus on 'who'. It is common to unload all the blame on the other: 'You don't pay me attention, you don't take me into consideration, before you did this and that and now you no longer care about small gestures' .

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Focusing only on the other to accuse him can be justified at times, but not all relationships have only one culprit. Indeed, it would be a good idea for us to get used to changing certain expressions in this type of relational dynamic. Instead of using the word 'guilt' and the negative component it implies, we should resort to the word 'responsibility'.

In the play of energies and reinforcement, both positive and negative, which shapes the universe of couples, two members are responsible for the climate and its quality. Sometimes, and this must be remembered, we don't have to desperately look for a culprit to understand that things are no longer the same, because we don't see things as they used to be and why we don't seem to need them as much as they used to.

Love sometimes goes out. And this could only concern one member of the couple or both. Because even if many times we have been convinced otherwise, people change over time, or rather than change, they grow. New needs and new interests arise: what used to be a priority is no longer a priority.

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A fact not exempt from a certain seriousness that it is good to know how to manage adequately.

If nothing is the same anymore, take action

Nobody can and deserves to live eternally in this antechamber of broken emotions, incomplete relationships or hopes that will not be fulfilled. If now nothing is the same as before and there is no solution, we need to move forward in a mature way and end the relationship in the most worthy way possible.

'Love does not thrive in hearts that feed on shadows' -William Shakespeare-

In an interesting 2005 study presented on the Journal of Social Personal Relationships it was concluded that there are three secrets to ending a relationship in the most positive and appropriate way for both members of the couple. According to the conclusions drawn from this article, one must avoid the ghost effect, that is, to put into practice evasive conduct in which, simply, to distance oneself from the other without giving any explanation.

Let's see below the three key points to end a relationship with maturity.

If nothing is the same as before, you have to start walking on your own

The first point when it comes to managing such situations is to be sure that there is no other option left but to separate. Always remember that we will cope much better with pain knowing that we have done everything possible.

The second step that the experts advise is not to 'destroy' the other before concluding the relationship. We said before, sometimes looking for the culprits doesn't help much. If we resort to criticism, anger, reproach and humiliate, we do nothing but feed negative emotions, to the point of creating an energy so deep that it prevents us from really concluding this phase.

Lastly, and even if it is a difficult aspect that many consider nonsense, it must be forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean wavering: it is a necessary phase to let go, not to feel a grudge. It means putting an end to a phase in which they both forgive each other for the pain caused, but accepting all the good times shared. A farewell, followed in due course by a courageous forgiveness, will help us start a new path, leaving behind us a past that no longer included either enthusiasm or hope.

The fern and the bamboo: the fable of hope

The fern and the bamboo: the fable of hope

That of the fern and the bamboo is a fable that gives hope. Because? Because in it lies the very essence of resilience and perseverance