Why do we hurt the people we love?

Why do we hurt the people we love?

The human brain is programmed to empathize with loved ones. Researchers at the University of Virginia have shown that, in the face of dangerous situations, the mind does not distinguish between its own safety and that of the people it cares about.

The ability of people to put themselves in the other's shoes depends on how well you know the person, whether he is a stranger or not. According to the researchers, the human brain divides people known from others based on how they relate to a person's neurological sensations in the social environment. In this sense, Jame Coan, professor at the University of Virginia, states that ' with familiarity other people become a part of ourselves ”.



Humans have evolved to have their own identity in which loved ones are part of their neural web. For this people need to have friends and allies.



Researchers have found that the regions of the brain responsible for responding to the threat kick in when a friend is in danger in the exact same way they do when the threat is to our person. However, when the danger relates to a stranger, these areas of the brain barely show activity.

According to Coan, the discovery demonstrates the brain's great ability to integrate others so that the people close to us become a part of ourselves. This causes a person to feel truly in danger when a friend or loved one is. According to Coan's words, ' if a friend is in danger, we do the same as we would if we were ourselves. We can understand the pain or difficulty that they may be going through the same way we can understand our pain ”.



Why do we hurt those we love?

Taking into consideration the above, it is inevitable to ask the following questions: why, then, are some people capable of harming the people they love? Why do you have impulses of anger ? What happens when a person behaves cruelly towards another?

These attitudes, which usually have a short duration and occur sporadically, show the most vulnerable in people. They are a response to separate the other from one's neuronal texture, a normal self-defense response.

One solution to stop this pattern of behavior is to strengthen self-love and recognize that negative behaviors towards loved ones, when we consider them hateful, are a manifestation of the hatred that one feels towards oneself.



These behavior patterns are most often learned in family and are passed on from generation to generation. This study offers interesting leads to be able to close the cycle. If a person tries not to defend himself from himself, it will be possible to keep others in his own neurological web, reinforcing the feeling of being worthy of love. In doing so, everyone will feel more confident.

We need others more than anything else

One of the most interesting aspects of this study is that it reflects the fact that not being empathetic towards the people we love is a consequence of the lack of love own. Understanding that this self-hatred is neurobiological and that it is what arouses cruelty to loved ones must serve to realize this and not continue with this cycle of anger towards others. Thus it is possible to understand that the instinctive reaction in front of the threat serves to counterattack and defend oneself, thus breaking the vicious circle of anger and distrust.

If you hate yourself, it makes sense that your empathic response to the people you love will fail. This is why it is so important to increase self-love and self-esteem.

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