Loving and loving are both wonderful, but different feelings. Everyone (or almost everyone) has a firm and unshakable purpose in our life: to love someone with all our strength.
We think about it and yearn for it for the simple fact that we believe it is the right path to happiness. And we are not mistaken when we think that a healthy attachment is essential for being in the world.
However, for some reason, we end up confusing loving with loving; Consequently, we fill our emotional backpack with false 'I love you' and empty 'I love you'.
The emotional wisdom in the dialogues of The little Prince
Saint-Exupéry, through the work The little Prince , gives us a beautiful passage, which today we want to offer you with the intention of shedding light on this powerful emotional reality that affects us all.
«I love you»Said the Little Prince.
«I love you too»Replied the rose.
«But that's not the same thing»He replied. -«To love means to take possession of something, of someone. It means seeking in others what fills personal expectations of affection, of company . To love means to make ours what does not belong to us, to desire something to complete us, because we feel that we are missing something .»
To love means to hope, to be attached to things and people according to our needs. And if we are not reciprocated, we suffer. When the person we love doesn't match us, we feel frustrated and disappointed .
If we love someone, we have certain expectations. If the other person does not give us what we expect, we are sick. The problem is that there is a high probability that the other is pushed to act differently than we would like, because we are not all the same. Each human being is a universe unto itself.
To love means to desire the best of the other, even when the reasons are different. To love is to allow others to be happy, even when their path is different from ours. It is a disinterested feeling that arises from the desire to give oneself , to offer yourself completely from the bottom of your heart. For this, love will never be a source of suffering .
When a person says he has suffered for love, in reality he has suffered for having loved. One suffers from attachments. If you really love, you can't feel bad, because nothing is expected of the other. When we love, we offer ourselves totally without asking for anything in return, for the pure and simple pleasure of “giving”. But it is clear that this self-giving and giving oneself in a disinterested way can only take place if there is knowledge.
We can only love someone when we really know them, because loving means taking a leap into the void, to entrust one's life and soul. And the soul cannot be indemnified. Knowing each other means knowing what the joys of the other are, what his peace is, what his wrath, his struggles and his mistakes are. Because love goes beyond anger, struggle and mistakes and is not present only in happy moments.
To love means to fully trust in the fact that the other will always be there, whatever happens, because he owes us nothing: it is not our selfish possession, but rather a silent company. To love means that we will not change either with the time neither with storms nor with winters.
To love is to give others a place in our heart so that they remain with us as a partner, father, mother, brother, son, friend ; to love is to know that even in the heart of the other there is a special place for us. Giving love does not exhaust its quantity, on the contrary, it increases it. And to return all that love, one must open one's heart and let oneself be loved.
«Now I understand»Replied the rose after a long pause.
«The best is to live it»- advise the little Prince .
Another very interesting lesson in this regard is offered to us by Buddhism. In it it is wisely stated that if you want a flower, because you 'love it', you can pick it up and take it with you. If you love it, however, you water it every day and take care of it.
To conclude, when we love someone, we accept them as they are, we stay by their side and try to always leave traces of happiness in them and joy. Because feelings must come from the deepest part of us to be pure and intense.
For this reason, it is essential to do an inner exercise and ask ourselves if we are behaving in the right way, if we are managing our attachments and our feelings better or if, instead, we are confused by the desire to attribute deep and permanent words to our relationships.