The ruptures leave us empty, desolate, confused. We perceive falling out of love as a part of ourselves had been taken away from us, and in some ways it is just like that. Scientific studies have shown that couples involved in long-lasting stories develop memory interconnected, becoming a system that depends on both members of the couple.
When the relationship ends, this disconnection is experienced in a traumatic way. A bit as if one end had been amputated. The body reacts by feeling the need for this acquired addiction, much like the withdrawal syndrome one feels if we are deprived of any substance.
Falling in love with a person is an emotional affective process that has strong repercussions on our brain. For this reason, moreover, at the moment of the breakup of the couple, the effects that are activated within it can be various. During falling out of love, in trying emotional pain , the same area of the brain that manages physical pain is activated.
Feelings are similar to waves. We can't stop them coming, but we can choose which ones to ride.
Our brain during falling out of love
Several studies show that the same areas of the brain that are activated when a person falls in love, which generate dependence and anxiety towards the other person, are also activated at the moment of breakup. This means that, beyond the pain of the circumstances, the person can continue to try addiction towards the partner.
The director of the Chicago Cognitive Neuroscience Center in the United States, John Cacioppo argues that the need to establish stable emotional bonds is innate in man. As a result, the breakup is a complicated moment, as it is difficult to accept that the person in whom we placed our trust has betrayed us.
The results of other experiments carried out in relation to people who feel depressed by the breakdown of a relationship show that the body, reacting to pain, can secrete the same hormones that are produced in stressful situations; hormones which in turn can affect the regular activity of the digestive system or heart.
Those who have gone through similar situations know how much it can hurt, but they also know that life goes on, that friends, family, their passions and memories will prove useful to overcome the moment. The breaking up process is a bit like falling in love again, but on the contrary . The neuronal reactions caused by romantic passion are similar in both cases.
Strength is not what you can endure before breaking, but how much you can endure after breaking
The brain while overcoming a breakup
Several studies have proven that as and when the relationship romantic develops over time, the idealization of the loved one fades, even if after the breakup it returns more overbearing than ever. The brain's reward systems during falling out of love are waiting for loving gratification , and not getting the proper response, the normal reaction, as happens with drugs, is to increase the volume of this call.
This brain reward system, clamoring for its fix, is what ultimately leads us to behave impulsively or stupidly after a breakup. When we write goodbye or grief messages to our ex-partner, we are actually driven by the chemical messes of our brain .
In conclusion, a love that ends hurts and involves real physical suffering that can last for months. However, that pain is actually part of the process of healing and overcoming the breakup. Various brain resonances made on people in the phase of falling out of love reveal the existence of a special activity in the areas of prefrontal cortex , the area of the brain involved in the expression of personality, in decision-making processes and in the planning of complex cognitive behaviors.
In fact, as we moan and cry, our brain chemistry is already at work to recalibrate our behavior , balance emotions and get back on track.
You thought you couldn't live without that person, and instead look at yourself, you're still alive.
A short film to reflect on love
When you find love, you don't have to try to be who you are not. In a relationship, you need to be honest and transparent, despite your fears.